new star wars trailer released, fans go apeshit

A few days ago a trailer was released for The Old Republic, an upcoming Star Wars  MMOG (Massively Multiplayer Online Game).  It’s a pretty impressive piece of animation and while it doesn’t actually represent gameplay, it has served its purpose – to get people excited about the game.  For the most part, the mini-movie is an action piece pitting Jedi vs Sith and if you’re looking for a three minute fix of Star Wars  action, you’ll be hard pressed to do better.   Most of the comments being left by fans on the websites are along the lines of “wow, this is so much better than anything in the prequels, too bad the movies weren’t like this!”  But what do the folks at DarthMojo think?  Let’s find out…

OMFG the best star wars chapter in 28 years!

Ok, so, for the record, I TOLD YOU SO.  Hot on the heels of the less-than-enthusiastically received Clone Wars  movie, comes the innagural episode of the series, “Ambush” (which aired last Friday on Cartoon Network).   Remember how I asked all of you to give the show a chance, no matter how you felt about the movie?  Because with all the episiodes they’re going to produce, chances are some good ones were inevitable?  Well guess what?  It freakin’ already happened.

movie review: clone wars (spoiler-free)

Imagine you’ve just suffered through the worst possible three-course dinner; the salad was soggy, the appetizer cold and the main course was a dry, burnt, flavorless steak. As you force yourself to finish chewing that last bit of gristle (after all, you were hungry), you happily put the fork down, toss your napkin on the plate and just thank god that it’s finally over. You look forward to spending the rest of the night at home, snuggling up with a nice, smooth, pink bottle of Peptol Bismol. Suddenly the host reappears with yet another covered tray and proudly proclaims, “dessert!” You slump back in your chair, prepared for the worst. The cover is lifted up and what do you see? Twinkies! You happily pick up one of the spongy, yellow treats and scarf it down with glee, savoring every bite and thrilled as can be that it wasn’t yet another failed attempt by the host to reach beyond his means. And, ladies and gentlemen, that’s the best way I can describe Clone Wars – a much welcome Twinkie.

clone wars: premiere photos

Sunday was the red-carpet premiere of the new Star Wars animated “movie,” Clone Wars (I put movie in quotes because it was not originally intended to be released as a film – it’s essentially the three-part opening of the animated TV series with some patching to serve as a feature).  Much of the cast and production personnel were on hand (including the Great One himself (no, not Ben Burtt)!  I’ll be posting a review in the next few days (hint: I liked it more than the prequels), but, in the meantime, feel free to peruse my cavalcade of exclusive photos…

Why Galactica?

The single most puzzling question no one has answered about Galactica’s triumphant return is why did it come back?   When I explain the history to people, it still boggles my mind: it was on for one season  thirty years ago.  One.  On top of that, it was never very popular and no one – not even the fans – regard it as high art.  Yet it retained enough of a dedicated, passionate following to insure that one day she would return.

But why?  What kept that mediocre one-season-wonder so near and dear to my  heart that seeing it come back was literally a dream come true?  I think the answer boils down to one word:  Cheeseburgers.

The Best Star Wars Movie You’ve Never Seen

 

Put a group of Star Wars  fans in a room for long enough and I guarantee the conversation will eventually turn to prequel bashing.  No matter how much time has passed, we just can’t seem to forgive and forget the poodoo that our long-awaited prequels turned out to be.  Personally, I felt Episode Two was the most frustrating; at it’s core, it has a complex plot and compelling story, but the film is so hampered by clumsy dialog, misplaced humor and bloated action sequences it feels like a Robert DeNiro performance trapped inside the body of Pauly Shore. Imagine a version of “Attack of the Clones” where Threepio’s head doesn’t get put on a Battle Droid’s body, Ben never visits a robot burger joint and Anakin makes no reference to “sand”. Well, Jedis and Jedettes, that movie is here and you can watch it now…

stormtroopers drool, cylons rule

WHO WOULD YOU RATHER BE?

Oh look, another guy dressed as a Stormtrooper! YAWN!  Ok, we get it.  I mean, does anyone even notice Stormtroopers at conventions anymore?  How many thousands of those black and white Michellin-man wannabes are out there?  The first time I saw one it was cool. Maybe even the fourth and twentieth time. But now? Even fans yell “get a life” at these guys.  But when you’re dressed as a Cylon?  Now that’s style.

new york: day three (part 2)

On the way home from J&R we saw this ad for the upcoming Spike TV airing of all three Star Wars movies (plus the prequels).  I don’t know exactly when they’re airing because WHO CARES??  I have to guess a recent meeting inside Spike TV went something like this:

SPIKE TV PRESIDENT: Let’s call Lucas and pay a lot of money so we can air all the Star Wars movie.

SPIKE TV PROGRAMMING GUY: But everyone has seen those movies a million times.

SPIKE TV PRESIDENT: So what?

SPIKE TV PROGRAMMING GUY: Dude, everyone who even watches our channel already has them all on DVD.  If they want to watch Star Wars they just pop one on.  And it looks and sounds better.

SPIKE TV PRESIDENT: So what?

SPIKE TV PROGRAMMING GUY: Who’s going to watch them on Spike TV full of commercials when they can just watch it on DVD?

SPIKE TV PRESIDENT: People who don’t have DVD players.

SPIKE TV PROGRAMMING GUY:  Yeah but we specifically target the demographic that has DVD players, flat screens and all that stuff.

SPIKE TV PRESIDENT: So what?

At least it most likely went something like that because I’m a giant, Star Wars-loving nerd and all my friends are giant, Star Wars-loving nerds and no one I know is planning to watch it.  Our DVD players could explode tomorrow and STILL we wouldn’t watch Star Wars on cable TV with an assload of commercials.  What are they thinking?  At least the ads are funny, maybe when Lucas comes after them for the license fee they can’t afford to pay because no one watched they can sell posters of the ads.  Anyway, back to NY and my skateboarder story…

Walking home from J&R, we passed the courts again.  Across the street is this sculpture park (the sculpture is on the left) where a small group of skateboard rats were doing what skateboard rats do: nothing.  You know the drill – they skate maybe five or six feet at a time and then jump up and flip the skateboard, attempting to land on it again after it’s been flipped.  They usually miss.  It’s boring and noisy and makes them all look like pussies.  Where’s the excitement?  Where’s the “living on the edge and skirting death” attitude they want us to think they have?  Because all I ever see these losers do is try to flip their board and miss.  I want some YouTube video action!  So, after watching all these skaterats sail back and forth past an obvious ramp-cum-accident-waiting-to-happen (the black marbled thing with hand rails above), I loudly suggested how much they were boring me and one of them should attempt to skate down the “ramp.”  The kid in the blue & white striped shirt said “I’ll do it if you give me ten bucks.”  All I had was a twenty and a one and I wasn’t going to waste a twenty this so I said, “oh well, never mind, all I have is a buck.”  He responded “ok, I work cheap.”

So he takes the buck and mounts up!  I couldn’t believe it!  He stood on top of the ramp and took his time, staring down at the 10 foot drop in front of him (probably also thinking about YouTube videos).  After a minute of his friends egging him on, he hopped on the board, flew down and landed the pavement – upright and still on the board!  Success!  It actually looked pretty easy and he did it again.  A few of the other guys got on top of the ramp to try it themselves but they chickened out at the moment of truth.  Still, it didn’t matter, the group’s energy and excitement went through the roof and suddenly another boring day hanging out at the park was thrown off the tracks and transformed into something fun.  And the kid in the blue?  He was walking on air, stoaked and proud that he had the courage to take on a random challenge and prove to me – and himself- that he had the right stuff.   Did I mention what that sculpture is called?  Here’s the plaque:

 

I bet that kid has no idea.