14
Jan
09

introducing: NSFW

pfchurch

It’s a sadly accurate cliche that fans of science fiction (myself included) become so engrossed in our genre of choice that we often forget there’s an entire world to explore, right here on Earth.  To combat this plague of myopia, we’ve decided to launch begin a new series: NSFW (that’s short for No Sci-Fi Wednesdays).   Once a week we’ll ask you to holster your phaser, put down that tricorder and join us for a refreshing trip through inner space.  To start us off I’m going to unload my camera phone’s databank  storage card and share some of the inexplicable wonders I’ve seen around town recently…

First of all, take a look at the picture that leads this post.  Are churches hurting for attendance that much these days?  That’s a real church in North Hollywood!  My bet is the communion wafers will have a little extra punch on Sunday…  After church, maybe we can hit Chinatown, where I often find gems like this:

yungho

Anyone care for a quick duck?

 

 

streamed_rice

I’m hoping it’s broadband, nothing tastes worse than dial-up.

 

 

animal_bread

I’m still not sure which part of a cow the bread comes from.

 

 

crule

I guess this is the snack food you leave out for guests you don’t really like.

 

 

bitter

The perfect drink for that soon-to-be-divorced couple.

 

 

lube_sheep

             Everyone knows that Happy fruits is very delicious, but were you aware that, in eating them, we would all become fortunate together?  Brought to you by the people who thought the best name for their new company was LUBE SHEEP.

 

 

ceylon

A hint for all you fanboys:  the fifth Cylon is lemon  flavored.

 

 

climax_tech

All I know is even their universal remote has a vibrate function.

 

 

morningglorytele

The only explanation I can think of is that a whole bunch of CEOs promised their 13 year old sons they could name dad’s new company.

 

 

slocum

Ok this is just getting ridiculous.

 

 

gogurt2

I guess this is what you end up with when a package designer drives past one-too-many lasciviously named businesses on the way to work.  For god’s sake, sexually suggestive packaging is supposed to be subtle – you might as well name this stuff “In Yer Eye With My Yogurt.”  I suppose you have to at least give them credit for going all the way with this concept by naming their flavors “splash” and “blast.” 

 

 

nut_butter

Who would have guessed that the previous image would actually serve as a segue?  Here we see the clerks at Whole Foods have a sense of humor.

 

 

frozen_ice

Why do they give me a blank stare when I ask for the liquid ice?

 

 

spam-lite

Really?  Is this the answer to America’s weight problem?  Who sees this and shouts “OMG! Spam lite!  Now I can finally shed those unwanted pounds!”  I mean  how much god-damned Spam does one have to eat for Spam Lite to make a difference in your life?  Actually, never mind.  I don’t want to think about it.   Note to Hormel: An abundance of calories is NOT why people aren’t eating Spam.

express_lane

Ok, you can’t “take a little” from 15 Items or less.  It’s built-in to the concept.   And as far as people who have more than 15 items… the problem with the express lane isn’t people who go over by a bag of chips and a box of GoGurt – it’s the selfish douche-bags who insist on using a check and not even opening the checkbook until the checker has finished ringing them up.  If you are one of these people, your express lane only leads to hell.

 

 

japchinaware

Come on, doesn’t  everyone know the best china is made in Japan?

 

 

ppexpress

Drive-through abortions?

 

 

open-closed

I stood there for hours, hungry and confused.

 

 

pet_show_glee

This is what I was greeted by as I walked in the door to my first pet show.  Warm and fuzzy!  Can I get a T-shirt for the kids?

 

 

portos

Lessons in apartment hunting: Make sure the ad says PRIVATE BATH!!

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11 Responses to “introducing: NSFW”


  1. January 14, 2009 at 4:14 am

    Great pictures. I assume these are from a “Chinatown” in California. If you ever travel to the real China, they get even better. Thanks for the laugh.

  2. 2 _pole
    January 14, 2009 at 5:38 am

    Haha, that’s hilarious! Also see http://www.engrish.com

  3. January 14, 2009 at 8:40 am

    Too funny!!

    I laughed out loud at the go-gurt. . .

  4. 4 ety3
    January 14, 2009 at 11:21 am

    My favorite part about the Spam can was the little graphic on the bottom left: “Crazy Tasty!”

  5. January 14, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    That used to be my church.

    The pastor is a fun guy who has a ponytail and quotes from “Calvin and Hobbes”. It doesn’t surprise me at all that he would have a sermon entitled that.

  6. January 14, 2009 at 8:49 pm

    Now I’m going to have to go buy some GoGurt, leave the packaging on my desk and see how many people notice…

  7. January 15, 2009 at 4:00 am

    You may experience some strange visitors and a general drop-off of visitors if you use NSFW.

    It’s usually taken as meaning “Not Safe For Work”. See http://www.b3ta.com if you really, really, really wish to find out what that means.

  8. 8 Mike
    January 15, 2009 at 9:04 pm

    I have to stick up for Raspberry Ceylon. Ceylon is the archaic name for Sri Lanka. I know this because that’s where Arthur C. Clarke retired to.

  9. 9 darthmojo
    January 17, 2009 at 3:37 am

    STEVE: Of course I know what the “other” meaning of NSFW is. I know what people expect to see when something is referred to as NSFW, which is what I was purposely playing on. Please look up “irony.” And what would I see a drop-off in traffic? If anything, people FLOCK to NSFW material!

  10. 10 Anonymous
    September 1, 2009 at 1:27 am

    omgoshk, fer reals?! too funny…


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