Star Trek: The Motion Picture (Pon Farr Edition)

It seems like only yesterday that a crack team of visual effects artist back at Foundation Imaging embarked on the project of a lifetime – creating a special edition DVD of Star Trek: The Motion Picture.  The goal?  To actually finish the movie.  Director Robert Wise was so rushed to get the thing out the door he never felt like the movie was done, so finally, almost 25 years later, Paramount invited him to come back, pick up the pieces and make them all fit right.  One “special feature” that was never going to make it on the DVD is presented here for the first time – proving that even room full of computer nerds have a sense of humor:

More on the making of this clip after you get done choking on your coffee.

So one day, we were all standing around the Digital Beta machine, fast forwarding through Star Trek: The Motion Picture, looking for effects shots to take notes.  When we got to the V’ger sequence, it was especially noticeable on fast-search just how many shots there were of people looking shocked and amazed.  “It looks like they’re watching a porno movie,” I blurted out.  Everyone laughed, then looked upwards as if in thought for a moment, then back to me.  “You know, you’re going to have to do it,” said Daren.

I knew exactly what he meant.

The clip was actually much more involved than it looks.  First, because I wanted to keep it “clean,” I needed audio of a porn movie that didn’t use any foul language.  Good luck with that one!  To make the order even taller, I had to also have a scene with no music in the background (music would make heavy audio editing impossible – you’d hear every cut).

I’ll have you know, dear reader, in the effort of public entertainment I spent many, many laborious hours “researching” dozens of porn DVDs, trying to find a scene that had no cussing, no music and lots of interesting audio cues.

Call me a dedicated artist.

Editing was basically all about timing expressions to the heavy breathing.  After that was finished, I laid in some appropriately cheesy porn music and added a layer of “bridge” sound effects to keep the feeling alive that we were on the bridge and this was really happening.

So there you have it, the making of a classic. 

And yes, Robert Wise loved it.

31 Responses to “Star Trek: The Motion Picture (Pon Farr Edition)”

  1. May 19, 2008 at 4:33 am

    Absolutely amazing!
    You are right about the expressions. The “pain” browsing trough p0rn DVDs has been rewarded. ;)

  2. 2 ety3
    May 19, 2008 at 9:49 am


    Kirk’s wince at — what I assume to be, anyway — the “money shot” killed me.

  3. May 19, 2008 at 10:36 am

    I enjoyed it and I laughed out loud. Good work.

  4. May 19, 2008 at 3:03 pm


  5. 5 Street
    May 19, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    I loved Mc Coy leaving the bridge and coming back with Checkov a few moments later. Price less!

    Awesome job. You have truly contributed to man kind!

  6. May 19, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    I thought the slightly dazed look on Takei’s face was the best myself. Brilliant!

  7. 7 ElHombre
    May 20, 2008 at 8:28 am

    Sulu doesn’t seem to be too interested. I wonder why?

  8. 8 Cyndeetrek
    May 20, 2008 at 12:28 pm

    I personally liked Ohura’s “wiped out” look on her face after the “moment.” Almost as if she had “participated.”

  9. 9 Anonymous
    May 21, 2008 at 8:18 pm


  10. 10 cohnee
    May 22, 2008 at 6:09 am

    Excellent bit video. I had to turn the volume down to avoid the stares of disapproval.

  11. 11 amedisone
    May 22, 2008 at 7:18 am

    You guys have wayyyy to much time on your hands.
    This was very disturbing and immoral…
    Have any more???????

  12. May 22, 2008 at 1:52 pm

    I dug it. Nice editing.

    I love Lt. Ilia’s interest…

  13. May 22, 2008 at 2:02 pm

    Fantastic!! I can’t wait to share this one! :D

    ElHombre – LOL!!

  14. 14 Leetdewd
    May 22, 2008 at 9:34 pm

    That was the dumbest video I have ever seen. It was completely unfunny and entirely pointless. The “joke” could have been conveyed more effectively in less than a minute, yet it is stretched out for an additional agonizing 2:42. The people who made this video and the people who have distributed this video should be beaten severely.

  15. 15 darthmojo
    May 22, 2008 at 10:57 pm

    Yes. it’s very dumb. Sometimes we like dumb humor. Feel free to send me links to YOUR videos and I promise I’ll be open minded. Oh wait, you don’t have any videos, never mind then k bai.

  16. 16 Randomjester
    May 22, 2008 at 11:35 pm

    am I sick person for wanting to know which Porn movie or clip you ended up using? I’m sure a few others wanted to know aswell…maybe. Or maybe I’m the only one. XD

  17. 17 darthmojo
    May 23, 2008 at 12:16 am

    Yes you are the only one. Ever. Seriously.

  18. May 23, 2008 at 6:32 am

    Sheer brilliance! You matched the shocked looks (and especially Kirk’s wince) to the soundtrack perfectly!

  19. 19 sadieandleo
    May 23, 2008 at 10:16 am

    Great great great! I love Spock’s eye brow raising. This is hilarity at its best. Maybe they should turn this into a ride at the Hilton!

  20. May 23, 2008 at 2:38 pm

    Awesome!!! I just linked this to my site.

    Great work!!!

  21. 21 OrionSlaveGirl
    May 24, 2008 at 7:56 pm

    You are sick and depraved- I think I’m in love!

  22. 22 SRGilbert
    May 25, 2008 at 7:39 pm

    Loved it, and thanks for the hard work on the dvd too. That special edition was one of the few “directors cuts” that actually improved the movie. Wise is truly one of the greats.

  23. 23 Vocalowl
    May 27, 2008 at 9:34 am

    What really disturbs me is that as I read through the comments from the people above and saw what they liked (Kirks wince, Ohura’s “wiped out” look, Spock’s eyebrow) I find myself understanding them completely. Oh, my god…I am a nerd.

  24. 24 TighFighter
    May 28, 2008 at 6:31 am


    My hat is off to you. That is the hardest I’ve laughed in a month.

  25. 25 The Cylon Banana
    May 29, 2008 at 4:01 pm

    Hilarious! And the longer it went on, the more I cracked up. My hard candy shell is now in need of massive repair!

  26. 26 scanner
    June 3, 2008 at 12:05 am

    Hi sadieandleo, I think the voices are Seymore & Shane.

  27. 27 scorpy808
    June 4, 2008 at 11:02 pm

    Oh damn. That’s my new joy buzzer right there.

  28. 28 Matt
    June 6, 2008 at 6:46 pm

    Not that funny. “I get it” in the first couple of seconds in the porno audio sequence. There was no reason to have that video be almost 4 minutes. Furthermore, why exactly did you need to look for a porno without foul language? If you think there is anything foul about any kind of language, don’t you think that the ACTUAL sounds of ACTUAL people having ACTUAL sex on tape is foul? I personally think it would have been MUCH funnier with cussing. But I guess I’m in the minority here. And I guess congratulations are in order for receiving so many accolades from users of the internets.

  29. 29 darthmojo
    June 6, 2008 at 7:13 pm

    I look forward to YOUR video Matt. Please let me know when you’ve made one. Or written a story, recorded a song, drew a picture – anything creative. Please share.

    It’s funnier WITHOUT cussing because it’s all about the implication of what’s going on. Yes, the noises are very suggestive, but once you introduce four-letter words, you cross the line from fantasy into vulgarity. I didn’t want to make a vulgar Star Trek video. I’ve shown this at conventions to a packed croud and never had a complaint – the subtley I’m talking about here is the reason why.

  30. 30 Joe B
    June 28, 2008 at 10:32 am

    Hi, I just discovered this, and i wanted to say Thank You. It’s a trip. :)

    The one question in my mind though, is the conversation between Bones and Checkov. What would THAT have been like?

    Bones: ???
    PC: But Doctor, I’m on my way to Engineering to help Mr Scott with the sheilds
    Bones: Forget about the shields, just come with me to the bridge.
    Bones Steps to the turbolift. PC hesitates.
    Bones waving his hand: Well come on…

  31. 31 m ryker
    March 18, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    i almost fell off my chair :-D

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May 2008

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