“We come to bury Speed Racer, not to praise him” might as well have been imprinted on the foreheads of critics as they marched into their screenings of the new Wachowski flick. Sure enough, page after page of critical vitriol has been spewed all over this film, creating the widespread perception that Speed Racer is the “must avoid” movie of the summer.

So, it was with little-to-no enthusiasm that the Super Summer Movie Fun Club – Go!  took their seats last weekend, prepared to endure the headache-inducing groan-fest that we’ve all been warned about.

When the lights came up two hours later, we all blankly stared at each other for a moment and, almost in unison, began singing “I liked it!”

We all liked it. Every one of us. In fact, as we walked out of the theater, we all scratched our heads and wondered, “where’s this terrible movie all the critics have been bitching about?”

Speed Racer  was fun. I think I had a smile on my face the entire time. Like it or hate it, the worst thing you can say about the unique style of the film is it’s “too colorful.” There was no forced over-use of hand held camera, no fast cutting for the sake of it nor any other “modern” technique that is usually the culprit in me wanting to rip the bulb out of the projector.

It was just colorful.

The action was fast and furious and the quieter moments of storytelling and character development were traditional and reserved – as it should be. In fact, the most impressive “bold, new cinematic style” that has been hyped about this movie is the use of long takes, where slow wipes and a montage of background images replace the music-video style editing that has been addling our brains for a decade.

The story was surprisingly complex for a “kid’s movie” and, while two dimensional, you like the good guys and hate the bad guys. The dialog is snappy and smart and the moments of campy, over the top humor are always with a wink to the audience. Like any good “cartoon,” there are layers of comedy and innuendo aimed at adults and, most importantly, the movie is consistent.  It always sticks to its own rules, follows its own logic and never strays from the path; this made it easy to immerse yourself in the world of  Speed Racer.

The problem with most summer action movies is that they try to make you believe the real  world is in trouble and these are real  people trying to save it – and then someone jumps off an F16, runs across an exploding bridge and uses a Palm Pilot to hack into the Treasury Department. All these leaps from reality to fantasy are what make you roll your eyes and say “this is so fucking stupid.”

Not so with Speed Racer – it’s always a fantasy and always a fun one. The worst thing I can say about the movie is it’s a little too long and by the time we get to the last action sequence, we’ve seen it all so many times it just loses its impact.

Kind of like last summer’s $100 million dollar action-fest based on a cartoon: Transformers.  But guess what?  Critics liked Transformers, and that movie was a huge, stinking pile of shit!    Here’s what USA Today had to say about Transformers  last year:

“Yes, it’s loud, explosive and silly, but it also perfectly embodies the concept of a summer blockbuster with its simple good-guys-vs.-bad-guys plot, cheeky humor and flawless special effects. Transformers is easily the best movie based on an adaptation of a cartoon TV series.”

And what did the same critic have to say about Speed Racer?

“For a movie about velocity, the excitement factor is low and the races feel like a drag. Perhaps that has a lot to do with its length: 2 hours and 10 minutes, which is at least a half-hour too long for a movie based on a cartoon. Or maybe it’s the predictable story about a guy who goes up against crooked corporate sponsors.”

So let me get this straight, a simple plot with loud and silly action is a good thing for Transformers, but the nail in the coffin for Speed Racer?  And while I agree that 2 hours and 10 minutes is too long for a movie based on a cartoon, your beloved Transformers  was 2 hours and twenty  minutes long!

Bite me, USA Today.

Here’s how the Hollywood Reporter  felt about Speed Racer:

“In this aggressively rudimentary emotional drama designed — literally — around impossible racing car action… the basic laws of gravity and aerodynamics aren’t simply denied; they are totally repealed.  The possible miscalculation here are the wearying number of races that all look alike.”

Let’s see… Transformers:  Rudimentary emotional drama?  Check.  Disregard for laws of gravity and aerodynamics?  Check.  A wearying number of look-alike action sequences?  Check!  So, on paper, Transformers  is every bit as suck-ass as Speed Racer.   What did the same critic have to say about Transformers?

“The movie is noisy fun, with characters and plot lines kept simple and flashes of comedy that hit home more often than not.  The best thing in the script is how a teen plot line gets tied into the fate of the world.”

Ok let’s try this again: Speed Racer:  Noisy fun?  Check.  Simple characters and plot lines?  Yup.  Comedy that succeeds more than it fails?  Totally.  A story about a teen who ends up changing the world?  Check, check and check!

Sit on it and spin, Hollywood Reporter!

So what gives? Why all the hate for Speed?  What made the critics all decide to gang up on our innocent little boy racer and throw him under a truck?  Two things: hype and the Wachowskis.

Sure, lots of movies are hyped to death every summer, but I guarantee you’re not going to see the critics face off with Batman or Indiana Jones… the difference is Speed Racer  was hyped as “an entirely new art form” and “a movie unlike anything you’ve seen before.” Well fuck, that’s like standing naked in front of your girlfriend with your legs spread and telling her she looks fat. You might as well ask  to be kicked in the balls. The last thing you want to do before showing a god damn critic anything  is tell him he’s about to see an ingenious masterpiece. Can you blame them for rolling up their sleeves and saying, “Oh yeah? I’ll show you  an ingenious masterpiece” and then telling the world your movie is about as clever as a hat on a toilet.

The other problem is our ever-reclusive Wachowski brothers. By laying low and refusing to talk about the movie or grant interviews, they give off an air of pompous superiority, as if to say “our masterpiece will speak for itself and we can’t be bothered to answer your pathetic press questions about it.” Good going, boys, why stop with shooting yourselves in the foot when you can just hack the damn thing off?

All of these things were like waving a giant red flag in front of the critics; you told them you were brilliant and then denied them access – result? Backlash reviews.

But Darth Mojo readers are above this! Look past the hype, ignore the reviews, unlearn what you have learned and get your ass in a Speed Racer  seat this weekend; the movie deserves to be seen in a theater and based on the box office performance, it may run out of gas much too soon.


                     *          *          *          *          *          *


Super Summer Movie Fun Club, GO!  members say…

STEVE:  8/10

Witness the power of lowered expectations!  I never watched much SPEED RACER as a kid, so I went into the movie with few preconceptions and a chorus of negative reviews echoing in my brain.  The movie tells a simple story with a surprising amount of narrative sophistication.  The cast is appealing and the visuals are endlessly inventive (although the racing sequences bear a lot of similarity to a recent series of Mattel Hot Wheels direct-to-video movies called ACCELERACERS).  If only it were about 20 minutes shorter…

DAVE: 7/10

It’s so discouraging that the critics can’t (or won’t) appreciate the creativity and sense of wonder present in every frame of the Wachowski’s adaptation of SPEED RACER. Yes, it looks garish and takes a bit of getting used to. Yes, it runs a half hour too long. And yes, the film shifts awkwardly between batshit-crazy, anime action and traditional family drama. But when the end result is this much fun, who cares? Congratulations critics, you’ve managed to torpedo an exciting and original family film that doesn’t condescend to it’s audience or resort to cynicism. Keep on hatin’, bitches!!



  1. 1 Will Silver
    May 15, 2008 at 1:23 am

    Oh my god. Yes. You are so right.

    I went to a midnight show and all the FANS were there, with T-shirts and Speed Racer fricken’ helmets, and we all LOVED the film. (Yeah, needs a slight trim, but aren’t the long flabby explanations a sort of homage to the source material?)

    I heard, from my sources, that it made a paltry 16.4 million, down from 40, down from 20, down from 18… sheeze. Its like everybody who saw it got their money back. And it earned 1 million in the last 3 days!

    Look, this NEVER happens, but tell everyone you know that they need to see Speed Racer this week. I mean, they’ve seen IRON MAN twice, they can’t see it again. The only new movie is Narnia… anyone who wants to see that one can wait until the DVD comes out.

    Let’s give Speed and the Gang the biggest push we can… ‘cus next week its Indiana Jones!

  2. May 15, 2008 at 2:33 am

    I watched a preview online and am really undecided about it, although granted the CGI looks excellent. I guess I’ll wait until it comes out on DVD and then kick myself in the head for not seeing it on the big-screen. I totally agree though about the bad press, the Wachowski’s have certainly shot themselves in the foot on this one. As for Indiana Jones? I cannot wait, but at the same time I’m *petrified* that it’s going to suck…my bad kitty vibe antennae are already twitching with much gusto and that concerns me….
    ..or perhaps I just need to go to the loo. Ahem.
    PS, DM, you inspired me to dress up as Starbuck on my site:)

  3. May 15, 2008 at 4:39 am

    You know, I’ve been sitting here, blasting Speed Racer without seeing it. Your little speech up there made me feel bad. I now have a little (up from “no”) interest in seeing the movie, but I won’t blast it anymore without seeing it. I usually am better than that.

    I’m still saving my movie bucks for Indiana Jones, however.

  4. 4 Derek
    May 15, 2008 at 7:00 am

    I’m usually the least PC person around, but that first photo is pretty tasteless. The original depicts the last moment of a man’s life. Besides, with all due respect to your review, an aborted fetus would have been more appropriate. (Too soon?)

  5. May 15, 2008 at 10:33 am

    The Wachowski bros certainly put a lot of effort into making Speed Racer… the movie overall looked and felt like a cross between anime, a kaleidoscope, that Flintstones movie, a video game and the Dukes of Hazard

  6. 6 tobor68
    May 15, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    hey, just stumbled upon your blog.

    i can’t agree more of your assessment on the critic’s reaction to speed racer. especially compared to transformers!!

    i loved the movie. i mean, what the hell were critic’s expecting from SR’s trailers? i’m starting to think there’s a conspiracy going on here. did the studio not grease the right palms?

    speed racer is on it’s way to becoming the next blade runner in terms of critical respect, as far as i’m concerned. it’s gonna have an impact on story telling technique for the next few years as far as i’m concerned.

    btw, sweet BSG centurions! later.

  7. 7 leepe
    May 15, 2008 at 2:42 pm

    This has been going on from not only the MSM press but also in the cinematic blogs, and even AICN. Come on! I don’t get why so much vitrol rating from Rotten Tomatoes.

    BTW, I think the photo is perfect metaphor to the crickets assassination of Speed.

    Yo Derek, you want to soon how about Abu Gharib? Or even Derry??

  8. 8 doomlaser
    May 16, 2008 at 2:17 am

    I think mainstream critics are still burned from the Wachowski’s. The first Matrix movie got tepid reviews een though in hindsight it’s a classic. In response, virtually _all_ critics jumped to proclaim the second Matrix movie as a masterpiece, even though it’s a shit movie. So when the third movie came out (which i actually thought was a marginal improvement over thesecond), everybody blasted it hardcore to make up for their groupthink with the second and looked like idiots.

  9. 9 Otowner
    May 16, 2008 at 7:38 am

    Uh, it has no story, just a lot of digital racetracks, the dialogue isn’t campy-dopey, it’s just dopey, it’s not ABOUT anything, some of the actors seem embarrassed to be there (Matthew Fox especially).
    It’s not worth working up a good hate over, but please. It wasn’t assassinated. People saw it/see it as a waste of time, a lot of it.

  10. 10 Marcos
    May 16, 2008 at 9:23 am

    I ran across your blog this morning because of the Cylon post at Io9.

    I saw Speed Racer last night and I couldn’t agree more with your blog post. If anything, it just goes to show how much movie critics are full of crap.

    I linked to your article from my Flickr page, so you’ll be getting a little traffic from there. ;)

  11. May 16, 2008 at 9:57 am

    Effing A, man. You hit the proverbial nail on the head.

    I loved this film, absolutely fell head over heels for it. And I thought I was in a group of 1 in my reaction, but after posting my review people kept coming out of the woodwork to say they agreed with me, and thanks for defending the film.

    The critics were like crotchety old men who got down on their hands and knees in the dirt with a little boy playing with his Hot Wheels, and told him that no, his cars couldn’t jump 100ft in the air, that they had to drive along the ground and pay attention to all of the traffic signs.

    This is a film to defend hardcore, and my hat goes off to you for doing that.

  12. 12 TIVIUS
    May 16, 2008 at 5:03 pm



    Thank you for stating what I’ve been feeling since the first sinister review.

    I took my family to see it – and they all emerged from the theater with bright smiles on their faces. (Even the teenaged daughter who’s Too Cool For EVERYTHING. ) Its a charming, fun and wonderful summer flick, well worth the price of admission. I HAD FUN.
    Wasnt that ALWAYS the point of summer movies? Geez.

    Naysayers be damned. You smug sheep.
    You robotic sell-outs and purveyors of the cliche.
    You cloned and programmed haters of anything brave enough to be different.
    GET>OFF>MY>SHIP. It is You lack “Wow”. You who lack “Color” and “Heart”.
    And your very Humanity is sagging, sirs.

    This movie was fun.

    Its only crime? Daring to stand apart.
    Wachowski’s – -DONT YOU DARE GIVE UP because of this.
    We know you made something good. Something just a little wonderful.We know.
    Sheep be damned.. but we know.

    Your movie was a treat – as is this review.

    Thank you.

  13. May 16, 2008 at 5:25 pm

    Our EiC shot me this link after reading my other posts on the subject. I was with the “mainstream” press at the junket the day after the screening (which I loved) and was horrified by the things coming out of these people’s yappers before the stars sat down individually to weather the barrage of imbecilic quetions. Coming from the video game press I was mortified and at the same time annoyed to no end as I couldn’t get a question in no matter how hard I tried–and mine actually pertained to the acting and craftsmanship of the film. They literally envelop the celebrities whether they have anything intelligent to say or not, fighting for attention like suckling pigs. Warner Bros. shouldn’t have screened Speed Racer. Everyone I know is outraged, and we cover anime on a monthly basis. Like Oliver Stone, the Wachowski’s will forever be mistreated for their lifestyle choices by self-loathing critcs that the vast majority of people would have nothing to do with. May their Dockers and stretchy pants be forever itchy and scratchy.

  14. 14 PatrickO
    May 17, 2008 at 11:19 pm

    I don’t usually reply to blogs,but this one interested me greatly!I grew up on Speed Racer and as a fan I think the critics can suck ass and quit their meaningless jobs!!!!This movie is strongly based on the cartoon and the action sequences are just like the cartoon.They made a live movie adaption of a cartoon series with impossible stunts and weapons in a race car. This worked for the cartoon and it worked for me in the movie ,it was just like I remembered in the cartoon. I wish I had a car that could jump over cars like the Mach 5. I would get through traffic a lot easier.LOL. We all know critics are people who never watched tv when they were little,so don’t take their word for it. I never listen to critics I always go see a movie and for my own opinion. Hey all you critics, if I need your opinion I will give it to you!!!!! Enough said!! I encourage every one to see movies for your self,you never know what you will see until YOU see it in the theater or dvd your self.!!!! Enjoy the movie goer experience first hand!!!!

  15. 15 darthmojo
    May 17, 2008 at 11:43 pm

    I’m glad this little diatribe of mine has sparked some discussion. I was also surprised but honored to see it was linked to by several big Hollywood sites.

    Despite my defense of Speed, please keep in mind I don’t think it’s a masterpiece (yet). But it was a solid, enjoyable film, which in itself is a major accomplishment for a summer movie over the last few years (it seems people are more and more satisfied with big spectacles as long as they get great FX and it doesn’t completely suck).

    I find it interesting that so many reviews have compared Speed *unfavorably* to TRON. Come on, people, I don’t care how many decades pass, TRON is not a good movie. It’s interesting, unique and deserves a place in history but it’s got a confusing, dramatically weak story, tepid performances and little humor.

    Speed Racer is a far better film which, beyond the similarity of placing actors into largely CG enviroments, bares little resemblance in tone or story to the 1982 effort.

    I’m also on the side of people who have been curious how audiences could be so enamored of Iron Man and hateful of Speed; while a cut above as far as genre films go, Iron Man is no masterpiece and suffers from a cliche-ridden, pedestrian last act, while Speed was consistent from start to finish. I think the fact that Iron Man didn’t *suck* has falsely elevated it in people’s mind.

    Perhaps on DVD, people will find less to love about Iron Man and more reasons to enjoy Speed.

  16. May 18, 2008 at 7:06 am

    I saw it with all of six other people in the theater (to be fair, it was the 1:15pm showing on a Monday), and I was blown away by the unmitigated audacity of it all. I don’t think I’ve ever grinned so much through a movie in my life.

  17. 17 This Is Me
    May 18, 2008 at 1:14 pm

    Loved SPEED RACER. Saw it with my wife and kids (and a couple of their friends). The theater we saw it in had a lot of the same mix (guys in their late 30’s/early 40’s with their kids) and the kids were all laughing and cheering and wow’ing and all that.

    I don’t know what flick the critics were expecting to see, but they were in the wrong theater. We absolutely loved it. I haven’t had this much fun at a movie in as long as I can remember.

    Bill at The Digital Bits has a similar take on it; he really enjoyed it as well.


  18. May 18, 2008 at 6:45 pm

    I saw it with eight people, total (4:45 Sunday matinee.) It was FRAKING AMAZING!

    Mojo, thanks for recommending this film. I was confused because of the criticism but you (and Lev Grossman and Charlie Stross) tipped the scale for me. I even got to look like a movie genius in my GF’s eyes by recommending a panned movie that turned out to be incredible.

    The only thing we can figure about why it hasn’t been widely lauded is that it may be incomprehensible to someone who hasn’t seen the original cartoon. (I’m actually not so sure that’s the reason, myself, but I’m at a loss to come up with something better.)

  19. 19 ichbineinberliner
    May 19, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    i disagree with you on two points:
    i don’t think the movie is one second too long. i can’t imagine cutting any of it out. perhaps shaving a few hairs off the races but everything else is a must. that’s how they make their films and that’s why we love them. they don’t follow the typical a,b,c structure. it’s more like a,(a) a ,b, b+. ,b,b-,c!. . i thought it would be too long for kids. i thought it would be too complicated for kids. but kids can’t get enough. they are jumping up and down in the aisles. they are telling the adults what it’s about. my six year old nephew, who has never sat through a film before, whose favorite pass time is peeing, could not leave his seat.

    and secondly, i don’t think the wachowskis shot themselves in the foot. can anyone imagine that they’re shy? that they were tired early on of being mis quoted by hacks that present themselves as journalists? that they don’t want to be ‘famous’? perhaps they enjoy their free time living as normal people. why isn’t that a good thing? why does that make them arrogant? i would think it makes them the opposite. i applaud them for it. right on, i say, and so should you, especially when you have seen what the press is capable of. honestly, how many actors, writers, politicians, have we seen interviewed only to be disappointed? let their work speak for themselves. i can live without hearing about what it all really means or about their vacation to europe, thanks.

    thank you for posting this. clearly, you’ve given many confused and irate fans a refuge. i know some people who worked on the film and i’ve felt tormented these last few weeks remembering all the hours put into it then watching it result in such a inexplicably poor opening. there’s room for everyone and every film has it’s charms, but alvin and the chipmunks making more than speed racer? wtf!?! it’s sad that an opening weekend matters so much, but it does. so people, please tell your friends to see it. hell, buy them a ticket and have them buy one forward for someone else. perhaps it can lead to a revolution in the way studios see movies being profitable. we’ve all seen how WB deserted the movie as soon as the reviews and numbers were bad. have you seen any ads since it came out? nice parents. they heard their child was retarded. but i think he’s a genius.

  20. 20 chrisbe
    May 19, 2008 at 9:09 pm

    It’s nice to read this thread and find out I might not be as crazy as I think. I have seen it 3x, mostly for my kid and his friends, but I’m not complaining (yet). I usually don’t look at the numbers but it got my attention because of all the bad reviews. One fact of note is that on opening Friday the Moviefone website had 500,000 hits on Speed Racer and only about 63,000 on Vegas. Also I saw it that Friday to a sold out 7pm show in a huge theater in Chicago. The following show was a near sell out as well. I asked my friends and they had similar experiences in LA and Detroit. Yet only 18mil opening weekend. It just doesn’t add up. It must have been shown to a lot of empty theater to do so poorly- at least for the opening weekend, after that it seemed to disappear and I would know- we watch Nickelodeon all the time.

    The one thing that kills me is the complaint that it had no story. It seems people get a bug up their ass and then mindlessly repeat whatever crap they hear. On a kid level my 7 year old and his friends got it – Speed GOOD. Royalton BAD. Racer X BAD but really GOOD. Cheaters never win. Racing is COOL and most importantly on rare occasions it okay to FLIP someone the BIRD.

    On a deeper level it worked too: MONEY + UNCHECKED POWER = OPPRESSION and CONTROL / STRONG CHARACTER and UNRELENTING WILL and a loving FAMILY can overcome that. How hard was that to understand? What’s not to like?

    The best part for me is Royalton monologue after Speed rejects him. Superbly written and wonderfully played.

    If you haven’t seen it yet, if possible, find it in a theater with a 4k digital projector. It was shot digitally, it should be seen digitally. The difference is quite amazing. Damn right it’s colorful! You think by some reviews that vivid colors are the work of the devil or something. If you can’t handle it, Gramps, go watch the Munsters.

    Lastly whilst I rant- For the audience It’s not a competition. More than one movie can be worth seeing in a summer season.

  21. May 20, 2008 at 7:53 am

    I think you hit it dead-on. This is a *fun* movie. It’s totally within the spirit of the original cartoon. There’s a solid story here. Very enjoyable. I was concerned about the color pallet and visuals going in, but found that I got used to it very quickly. At the end of our viewing, there was some cheering and even a little dancing in the theater. It’s fun.

  22. 22 Grace
    May 20, 2008 at 11:38 am

    Stumbled over your review & posts. This was a major mystery for discussion with friends this weekend. WTF is up with these reviews? Everyone I know who’s actually *seen* the movie thought it was a blast. I’m thinking of seeing it again on IMAX with a couple of Red Bulls on board instead of popcorn–oh yeah!–fasten your seats belts, ladies and gentlemen.

    Feels like the reviewers are just being pissy because Wachowskis won’t talk to them. Most of ’em remind me of a bunch of high school girls in the savage clique stage. (shudder) Icky.

    See it for yourself, people. Reject the Savage Clique.

  23. 23 luvawor2
    May 21, 2008 at 7:34 am

    I’d like to see the numbers myself. I don’t believe WB (aka Royalton movies) is telling the truth about how the movie did. They are pissed off that they can’t control the brothers.
    This movie rocks and I know plenty of 4/yo, 8y/o, 11y/o’s that can’t get enough. (Not to mention a few 40y/o’s

  24. 24 Sonny
    May 24, 2008 at 9:33 pm

    Critcs bashing is too easy for me (…although quite fun ;) I think the main issue the critics had was the childish look-and-feel of the whole movie. If the Wachowski brothers decided to make a dark, gritty and semi-serious version of Speed Racer in a post-apocalyptic world than I’m sure the critics would have been a lot more favourable. But it wouldn’t have been Speed Racer, right? Probably it would have resembled Death Race 2000 or Mad Max.
    I though the movie was the best visual experience and pure fun I had in a while. The Wachowski brothers should be praised for standing out and sticking to their original vision. It takes guts to make a simple movie like Speed Racer!

  25. May 26, 2008 at 6:13 pm

    Just want to add that the GF and I saw Speed a SECOND time today. We were struggling to remember the last time we did that, but eventually it came to us.

    The Matrix.

    Yeah, critics may fume for whatever reason, but ten years from now this is going to be on everyone’s “Most Influential Movies” short list.

  26. 26 AF
    June 3, 2008 at 8:14 am

    Man am I glad to see someone else recognize Transformers as a pile of crap. I couldn’t believe how many people said how awesome it was. I hated it, it was stupid. I want to see Speed, but it doesn’t come out here (Japan) until July. You can bet I will be there though. Still sad Speed is such a bomb and TF did so well.

  27. 27 Doug Drexler
    June 10, 2008 at 7:38 am

    Hey Mojo… at first I thought that the header picture from Viet Nam was funny. But you know what? It really isn’t!

    – Doug

  28. 28 Cuddly Cthulhu
    June 21, 2008 at 8:56 am

    “S… Racer” made “Battlefield Earth” look like “2001”.

  29. July 15, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    I was just introduced to your blog and have been looking at it today. Great review and I thought Speed Racer was awesome. I will be buying iit for sure on DVD.

  30. July 15, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    …oh, and I didn’t like Transfarmers either… the film should have called “Shia Lebooof Wants a hot Girlfriend (co-starring the Transformers!) …sure, Megan Fox is uber hot, but she had more lines than O’Prime?! WTF?! Not looking forward to part II.

  31. 31 DonsSword
    September 16, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    What the critics did to this fun film was criminal. Let’s hope the DVD release makes up for its unfair treatment at the hands of the uneducated critics.

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May 2008

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