With early reviews confirming what the trailer suggests, Speed Racer is most likely going to make us all feel like we’re driving way too fast on drugs. Millions of hyped-up moviegoers are going to leave the theater, eager to recapture the sensation of drug-fuelled autocrossing. Should any of you decide to actually take drugs and go for a drive, you’ll be pleased to know that Mixmag (the preeminent rave music magazine), once did a study to find out exactly how driving was affected by various chemical influences…
They rounded up several ravers test subjects and, under strict, professional supervision, tested their ability to drive while under the influence of various party favors controlled substances. Here’s what happened when “Paul” was tested on a driving course, before and after ingesting some non-carbonated coke:
PAUL has been driving for 12 years. He considers himself an experienced and careful driver. He attempts to drive around the course several times. He hits a cone the first time, the second time I’m thrown around the back seat a bit too much to remain comfortable and the third and fourth time he manages a fairly smooth drive without knocking any of the cones over. “It’s quite difficult,” he admits of the course. “Getting used to the car is strange and those turns are not easy.” Paul takes a generous line of top quality cocaine and attempts the course again immediately. He speeds through the course, appearing, even to a back seat driver, quite confident. He drives over one cone but doesn’t knock any down. As he goes round and round the course his driving becomes much smoother until I almost feel comfortable. Mr Bruce instructs Paul to use his brake with no clutch (a common fault in drivers). Paul seems able to take instructions though he obviously doesn’t like it. The cocaine seems to have made it difficult for him to accept any criticism. He goes back to take another line of cocaine…
Do your homework and read the full story here at the Mixmag archive.
And while you’re busy hitting the red line this weekend, me thinks you’re going to need some appropriate background music, no? I can’t think of a better way to fuel your RPM rampage than Alpha Team’s 1992 techno remix of the Speed Racer theme! “Oh sure, I’ve heard that before, it was all over the radio years ago” is what you’re probably thinking. But have you ever heard the extended, “Hardcore” remix? The one that, thought some clever sound editing, makes it sound like Speed and Trixie are finally getting it on?
It’s rare and out of print (and now that the movie is here some very unscrupulous folks are really gouging prices) so your old pal Mojo has dug it out of his world famous techno archive and provided an MP3 for you here:
Have a great weekend, folks, and let’s break that speed record!