Fuck Harold and Kumar, Mojo goes to white castle

I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as one that ends with a trip to White Castle.  Look what I found in NY, hiding on 38th and 8th!  There used to be one across the street from the Empire State Building but it disappeared years ago, leading many to believe the closest sliders were now in Queens.  Well, fear not, hungry Manhattanite, you no longer have to hop on the F for a trip to heaven!

Ok, I can already hear you thinking, “White Castle?  What’s the big deal?  You’re telling me you’re in New York Frakking City, home of the finest restaurants on Earth, and you’re going to risk gastrointestinal suicide by eating a mystery meat-fuelled chemical bomb from White Castle??”  You bet your ass I am.

Essentially, there are three types of While Castle people: the “minor flirts,” who have never lived near one but ocassionally pick them up from the supermarket; the “casual daters” who are lucky enough to have a White Castle close to home and therefore have the ability to secure a sack of ten when the mood strikes them and, finally, we have the “cheating homewreckers.”  These are people who used to live near a White Castle and moved far, far away, most likely to a state that has no White Castle restaurant.   Perhaps you’ve even moved to some godforsaken no man’s land where the closest White Castle is 1800 miles away.

Someplace like California.

I call this class of fans “cheating homewreckers” because it means that if circumstances land them temporarily near White Castle, they will drop everything, fore go any and all financial, family or health considerations and immediately “storm the Castle,” embarking on a slider feeding-frenzy that will last until their craving is satisfied or their stomach explodes.


 While I proudly fall into the final category, there was a lot to eat on this trip and I had dinner plans later that evening, so I only allowed myself the pleasure of two of the coveted burgers (one of which was devoured before I remembered to capture the moment).  Some people say the frozen ones are just as good as the “fresh” variety, but to these people I say “doody-head!”  Until you’ve just stuffed a piping hot fresh one into your mouth, savoring the ultra-soft bun and the succulent myriad of flavors found within, you just don’t remember what you’re missing.

I walked out with a satisfied smile on my face, basking in the afterglow of my first true White Castle in years.  I got about half a block away when I literally stopped in my tracks and wondered how I could have been so foolish.  ONLY TWO??


These little hotties came home with me and were ready and willing when it was time for a little late-night action.  Some people call them mini-burgers, some say sliders and others proclaim weapons of ass destruction; I just call them a perfect ending to another wonderful day in New York.

PS: No I did not try the fried clam strips.

5 Responses to “Fuck Harold and Kumar, Mojo goes to white castle”

  1. May 3, 2008 at 8:23 pm

    Do they have a breakfast menu? I can’t imagine such an incredible concept could go without bacon and egg sliders…

  2. 2 darthmojo
    May 4, 2008 at 12:38 am

    I found this White Castle comment on another WordPress blog: “White Castle is having a promotion for Valentine’s Day where you can make reservations for a candlelit dinner in their restaurant. There’s a host and servers and everything. I’m assuming that the menu remains the same. Nothing says romance quite like sitting down in a White Castle and being able to say to your server, “I’d like a dozen Sliders, please. And the lady will have seven fish sandwiches and an order of onion rings.” http://mike.wordpress.com/2007/02/14/white-castle/

  3. 3 PJ
    May 4, 2008 at 12:28 pm

    I have heard that White Castles are the healthiest fast food burgers you can get. This, to me, sounds like the ultimate cheat. They are the SMALLEST fast food burgers you can get, so there’s only so much death-components you can slap into that small of space. (aside: anyone remember the short-lived 3-miniburger things you could get from Burger King about 20 years ago? Those ruled!)
    However, I have also heard that White Castle creates their burgers from parts of the cow you normally don’t get served in other establishments. Parts such as liver. Liver ain’t so bad for you, considering it is essentially the filter of the body.
    If you look up copycat recipes for White Castle sliders, you will see people trying to create this unique meat formulation. Most call for jars of baby food beef–only a few call for liver. If you have a free afternoon sometime, I think it would be a great sacrifice for humanity to compare these variations and see which works best.
    Saddest thing yet: being in California, “White Castle Copycat recipe” is still in my browser’s history, having checked it only a few weeks ago.

  4. 4 satadru
    May 6, 2008 at 5:43 pm


    As a Harlem resident it is my duty to tell you that there is also a White Castle at 2092 7th Ave (125th & Adam Clayton Powell).

    And in East Harlem on E 103rd.

    Speaking as somebody who did a crave case/harold and kumar escape from gitmo combo… I’m pretty sure that Manhattanites are well covered.


  5. 5 Black Slum
    December 15, 2008 at 6:38 pm

    Whites Castles be made fum cow like Mickey D. I axed da manger he tol me so.

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May 2008

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